16 First and Middle Names of Babies on 16 and Pregnant, in Order of How Much I Spit Out My Drink…

by The Hairpin

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1. Kiss of Life Now Only Metaphorical
2. Don’t Buy That Rapist. You’ll Just Regret It.
3. “I’m Sorry, I Didn’t Bring My Constitution With Me”
4. Hotel Chelsea Up for Sale
5. Margaret Thatcher in Hospital, Currently in “Chirpy” Condition